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When your heart breaks - AGAIN!

Each week I will write a Blog, it maybe what is being discussed on social media or something that resonates with me purely because I am having a 'Michelle Moment'. This week I want to discuss 'dating' and in particularly heartache/heartbreak. The dating game is not for the faint hearted, even those Single and Ready to Mingle may find themselves holding a broken heart once again. 

Let me share a story, imagine one completes an online profile, starts connecting with strangers over various dating apps, attends single events and/or makes a conscious effort to socialise and meet new people.

Imagine matching with someone and to your surprise the conversation flows, values and interests align, a physical and emotional connection which leads to an authentic desire to meet in person. 

After the anticipation of meeting, to sit together and fully absorb someone's presence, to notice their smell, their gentle touch, to catch a glance and feel the dance between the two of you.  One comes away reflecting, analysing and summarising – feelings of excitement, enjoyment, contentment, happiness, desire, arousal; it feels good, one realises what they miss or understands what they truly want and need.

There is a natural progression, as intimacy grows, the act of sex intensifies the connection, in a blink of an eye you wake up and realise those feelings you find yourself experiencing; you are in love with someone! 

Quickly there is the need to navigate the realisation that no one is perfect, there is a decision to be made, can two people choose to become one? Choose to enter a relationship? Choose this path together? Will they choose to lean in or during the tougher times step back? 

Here is the problem, sometimes one person has made the decision that they are ready, they are ready for the relationship, the other person is still self-absorbed and on their life path with little consideration, or ability to consider how the other person is experiencing this journey. Sometimes us humans love the comfort, the support, the intimacy, that dating brings but fully ready? Sometimes someone is not the one.

The once great connection, comfort and closeness becomes tainted. It is met with confusion. One if not both will feel the shift, the end looms near when two people cannot say I want you, I want us, how do we make this work?

Healing after a breakup, hurts! Your heart will hurt a little after letting go of someone and that's okay, it just means that your feelings were genuine no one likes endings. It is normal to feel sad, hurt, angry, confused, scared, regretful. Even the short relationships, yes I said it, do not play your pain down. You are grieving the end of a relationship, you are grieving your future, you are grieving the friendship, you are grieving the person you were when you were with them, you are grieving the loss of identity, you are grieving the comfort and contact.

Maybe it is time that we challenge that we feel we failed in another relationship. Can you show yourself compassion? Show yourself love and kindness for the lessons that you have learned, for the good that you gave?

I think one of the difficulties is when you have made that decision to become a partnership to hold someone else's feelings, emotions, dreams, hopes, ambitions on par with your own, once that relationship ends we have to step back and fully embody ourselves, we need to check in with own mental and physical health,  look at the amount of fun we allow ourselves to experience, note how loved do we feel, how sexually satisfied we are and where our focus will go. Put yourself back at the top of the priority list. 

Not every new beginning is meant to last forever and not every person who walks into your life is meant to stay. Strive for a place where you are at peace and acceptance regardless of your relationship status but do not ever put the walls up, keep your heart open, be ready for love and know that if nothing else create some happy memories along the way, remember to someone you will be their 'one'. 

Love always,


Michelle Jermy MSc, PGDip, BSc, PGCE

Clinical Sexologist/ Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

COSRT Registered


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