Creating A Sex Map

For many heterosexual individuals and couples, the belief that partnered sex is that of intercourse. The idea it is only real sex when penis and vaginal penetration occurs. This prevents many heterosexual individuals and couples not exploring arousal and sexual pleasure by focusing so much on the end goal they forget there is more to the sexual experience.

The best way to assure everyone is fully and freely consenting and physically and emotionally safe; to improve sex and the sexual experience clear, truthful and open communication is needed. Though talking about sex can be daunting or even make us feel vulnerable.

Have you been asked the question what you do or don't like sexually? Left you feeling awkward because either you have never tried it, or it has felt different with different partners, and you have felt embarrassed to go into details? Maybe you simply have a hard time knowing how to respond or communicate what you find arousing?

Only too often we might say something we think a partner wants to hear, or avoid certain topics because we have not explored ourselves.

A sex map is a simple exercise where you can capture your thoughts regarding arousal when you consider a list of sexual experiences. It is not set in stone, it is allowed to change, to shift. In a trusting relationship you should be able to express your wants, needs and limits and feel respected.

Let’s explore your own sex map.

Instructions:

Firstly, on your own go through the list (this is an example) and decide what you are willing to try (yes), absolutely not willing to try (no), or are undecided on but are open to trying (Maybe).

With your partner go through the exercise, stop at the ones that are a yes and describe to your partner what makes you willing to try it out! These activities are meant for couples of different genders and styles, some activities you feel may not apply to you – skip through it if you don’t. If not prompted, discuss if you’d like to receive, give, or both. After completed, have a look at what you overlap on and what you both have said yes or maybe to – you have a new list of things to try!

How can you use this list?

Exercises like this are not finish lines but starting points: for evaluating your own sexuality and/or for deeper conversations with someone else.

This is so you can start thinking about things for yourself or start having conversations with a partner. Much of our resistance to sexual experiences is our learnt societal norms or our inability to let ourselves fully immense and be sexually free to enjoy pleasure.

The ‘List’

Bathing together

Using sex toys alone

Using sex toys together

Nipple play

Role play

Watching porn

Period sex

Shower sex

Spanking

Phone sex

Anal sex

Fingering

Oral sex

Penetrative sex – penis and vagina

Swallowing cum

Sexual massage