top of page

He’s Just Not That Into You……

Have you been here? Met someone think it’s going great, you find yourself swirling around in the land of love, thinking of them, missing their voice, their touch, a kiss and then not so long down the line we find ourselves finding excuses on why they hasn’t texted, why we haven’t met each others friends, our minds go into over drive!


We find ourselves thinking; maybe their phone REALLY did run out of charge, or they are REALLY busy at work. Are they? REALLY?  I’ve been here and I know many of you have, still are, now I’m not saying they don’t like you, but maybe they  do not like you enough.


Any literature around dating will tell you the ‘red flags’. Let’s list and explore further.


·      They talk about their ex frequently.

 Now many of us have some baggage but when starting something new we want a clean slate, its an opportunity to close the past, consider if there still a lot of hurt, anger, pain you will be the one that receives the outbursts the backlash of the past pain. On the other extreme if they are still ‘friends’, one has to question unfinished business?


·      They tell you they are not relationship material.

Listen to their words, ‘looking for fun’, ‘lets just go with the flow’, ‘not looking for a relationship’, ‘friends with benefits’. If you hear these words, smile, take your coat and walk away. Save your energy, your time, and your tears. Find someone that values relationships as you do.


·      They encourage you to date other people.

Hello, I’m sleeping with other people, not looking for a relationship. Stay away, if they want to remain on dating sites, have many ‘friends’ all over social sites move on quickly. Not only will they hurt your heart but your health is at a risk also. Someone who is into you will want you exclusively and would be incredibly uncomfortable at the thought of you making romantic plans with others.

·      They still haven’t asked you out.

Social media has a lot to answer for, many individuals are now happy with social flirting, even a virtual relationship. Don’t let weeks/months go by, you know what you want to feel valued, if you have to ask to be taken out, odds are they are just not that into you.


·      They haven’t introduced to friends or family.

If they cancel on your family, or avoids you meeting family and friends they probably not into you — especially if you’ve been dating for a while. Now, you don’t need to be making wedding plans after date two, but when you sense an avoidance strategy, they likely have one foot out the door.


·      Available at midnight.

This ties in with the one above. You are yet to go out together, have had little contact and then close to midnight the text ‘ I’m free, missing you’, & I’ve put politely what we ladies often get sent! Ladies you know the texts I mean, booty call. Now if you are happy to have sexual encounters fine but if you want a relationship, playing with boys prevents you from finding your man.


Now I have to thank a close friend for their comments and opinions on this, very insightful. He said that many men he knows, have different sexual behaviours depending on the encounter. It was proposed the late night casual booty call will lack in foreplay, no eye contact during sex, minimal kissing and condoms (please note unfortunately still many people do not advocate safe sex). Relationship sex will be the opposite. FACT. I had a few men justify infidelity as they claimed sex with condom no kissing, or oral sex doesn’t not count as cheating! BUT that’s a whole different discussion.


·      They do not let you go near his phone.  

Need I say anymore? We have all dated someone who has their phone on lockdown.


·      They do not return your calls within 24 hours.

First, if you’re the only person calling and texting, evaluate your date’s interest in the relationship. Secondly ask yourself do you think they are juggling multiple partners? Thirdly, if your texts are consistently not getting responses within 24 hours, they are not into you. When you’re crazy about someone, you can find thirty seconds to respond, even if it’s just a quick explanation as to why they will have to respond in greater detail later.


Who is relationship material? Now I know many of you will be thinking why is it when I’m nice I get taken advantage of? Who has experienced the ones that pick you up and put you down when they feel like it? Listen they are not into you, when someone is into you and you are being nice they know they need to remove you from the dating scene and secure their gift.


As always, there are exceptions but never chase love, affection or attention! You cannot act like flip flops and expect to be treated like your favourite designer high heels, know your worth.